The Ultimate COVID Blog- Food & Self Actualization
Home is where the heart is... So since we are currently confined to our homes, we should all just naturally be feeling that more than ever before, right?! Unfortunately, as with most things in life, it is not that simple. In order to feel love, we must constantly work to create it, and that is often something that cannot be done all on our own. So now what?
Whether you are living alone, coupled up, or are in a full house with kids, right now, no matter your situation, your home environment is a pressure cooker, which means we need to use extra care in selecting which “ingredients” to add, in order to create the best “meal” possible:
How do we create it when:
We live alone
The kids demand full days worth of attention. Every. Single. Day.
Our partner is starting to feel more like an imposition, than good company
Each of our thoughts becomes an action, and our actions are currently under a magnifying glass, with ourselves, and anyone else who may be around us, doing the examining. No matter your circumstance, you must first hold that magnifying glass up to your own thoughts.
Think to yourself, “What’s working?”, “What’s not working?”, “What can I do to expand upon the things that are working?”, and “What can I do to minimize, or eliminate, the things that are not working?”
What seemed to work before quarantine, be it by ourselves, or with our loved ones, will likely not work now due to the drastic change in current circumstances. The relationships within our homes pre-quarantine can be viewed as watered-down versions of the current state of those same relationships. Imagine your favorite soup. If you cook it down to concentrate (the state our relationships are currently in), it will likely be too salty, or possibly burn. The meat may become too tough, the veggies too soft, and any dairy that is present could curdle, turning the once delicious and desirable soup, into something unpalatable. But, if you know it is going to be on the stove longer than usual, you can plan and adjust accordingly, to make sure it is just as good, or even better than the original recipe. In order to do so, it will be important to adjust the heat, add ingredients at the correct time, and possibly alter the ratio of the ingredients used if needed. Flexibility is key, so a willingness to change your plan, or add something unexpected at any moment, is integral to the success of the final result. Find comfort in adjusting your expectations... maybe what you once enjoyed as a soup, can now be an incredible stew.
First, take the time to look inward. To truly work on your relationships with others, you must first work on your relationship with yourself, exploring the qualities of who you are at your best, as well as who you would want to be at your best. Ask yourself, “What do I love about me?”, and “What do those I love, love about me?” Now ask yourself, “What ‘ingredients’ do I need to become the best me?” Once you make your “grocery list”, it’s time to create your “recipe”.
The home circumstance you personally have right now is your grocery store. You may have built the perfect proverbial recipe, but once you get to the “store”, you may realize they are out of the top-quality ingredients you typically utilize, much as many of us have recently experienced in real life. So what now? Adjust the recipe for the ingredients that you do have access to!
For those living alone…
You may question how to show yourself love during this time. You may be used to being out of the house all day, whether at work, at a happy hour with friends or colleagues, at the gym, with family, or on dinner dates. Without those types of activities being available to you at this time, being alone with yourself can be a scary and lonely place. Try focusing your energy on finding ways to recharge during this time, filling your day with activities that you may not have had time for previously. Whether that means curling up with a good book you’ve been wanting to read, video calling a friend or family member, starting a home exercise routine, or catching up on some much-needed rest, there are numerous ways to make this time feel more fulfilling.
For those who are home with your children...
You are a parent, not a teacher, right? How do you teach your child common core math, when you don’t even know what common core math is, or how to do it yourself? What about Science, Art, and English? Your children need to be on a device in order to do their work, but how do you stop them from surfing the web? How do you help them to stay in their seats when all they want to do is get up and walk around? And how are you supposed to do all this while you might need to be working/doing other things too?!? Parents are juggling so much right now, so creating a schedule that works for all of the family members in the house, is an important first step in ensuring that things are running as smoothly as possible. Implementing structure, while still leaving room for flexibility, will decrease everyone’s anxiety and stress, resulting in more positive interactions, and communication with each other, which will trickle over into work, and school as well.
For those who are quarantined with your partner…
Let’s think about why you chose them for that role in the first place. You may have lost sight of those reasons, due to being in such close proximity to each other for an extended period of time. That, coupled with other stressors, such as health concerns, financial strain, juggling work and children, and lack of alone time, may result in you being annoyed by things that didn’t bother you previously, or becoming even more enraged by those things that were an issue prior to being quarantined. Are you feeling like he/she is letting self-care go? Is he/she wanting to be intimate more or less than you are? Is he/she leaving the house a mess, or expecting it to be too tidy? Something we recommend to the couples we work with, is to act from a place of intentionality, specifically when it comes to respecting your partner. Do your actions and interactions tell your partner that you respect him/her? If the answer is “no”, think about what you can be doing, or saying differently, in order to make the answer “yes”. Respectful communication is a key component to the success of any relationship.
No matter which category you fall under, think of your current scenario, and the members of your home. How can being your “best quarantined/socially distanced you” alter the way the current scenario looks? If there are others in your home, what would their best possible quarantined selves look like?, and “What would it take for them to be their best?”
Being able to “let things go”, as well as reflect on, and make changes in oneself, can be extremely challenging, but in doing so, it can make everything run smoother not only now, but also in the future, in whatever “new normal” lays ahead. This can seem daunting, so it may be helpful to reach out to others who help you feel supported and grounded, and can inspire you on this path towards self-actualization for a socially distanced lifestyle, or for any lifestyle to come!
Meet the Authors
Brenna Sadkin
M.S, LMFT, RYT, Co-Owner
Alexa Snyder
Ph.D., LMFT, Co-Owner